Every once in a while we all want to take some time off to enjoy life and relax, for many it could be through sport, dancing or entertainment such as going to the Cinema.
The latter is my poison of choice as I do not care much for alcohol or loud night spots, so when I go to a cinema I look forward to those 120 or so minutes of uninterrupted bliss where I immerse myself into another world and forget all the potholes on Jeniffer Musisi’s city roads.
So last week - mid week, I went to watch a movie in the company of a friend and made it just in the nick of time to enjoy the last infomercial before the opening credits. Surprised as I was that the cinema was not full to capacity for its 7 pm viewing, I was happy that I had an extra seat next to me to put my handbag and really enjoy the movie. 5 minutes in I felt a thud at the back of my seat but decided not to think too much about it until it happened again almost in succession.
I turned around and caught sight of a Caucasian mid teen boy kicking the back of the chair to my left after which he rested his feet atop it. I was stunned but decided to zone out and ignore the uncultured matter in which he was sitting owing to his juvenile disposition.
About 3 - 5 minutes later a gentleman walked in and headed towards my aisle while he was still on his handset and all the way to my row right next to me. This is when I realized that in fact I did have a neighbor so I quickly removed my handbag to give free up his seat.
He hung up his mobile phone and stared at the lad and instantaneously without any hesitation shouting in his direction, ‘gwe sit properly.’
The young man begrudgingly obliged as I wondered why he was barking.
I briefly glanced in his direction before I returned back to the plot that was about to thicken in this Denzel Washington movie only for his device to beep on 15 minutes into the movie.
He did indeed finally pick it up and after a few chum remarks and intense Whatsapp messaging to whoever was on the other end of the received; he got up and walked off only to return 10 minutes later with a full figured corporate lady. They initially sat down quietly next to me but at the mid way mark began to hold a conversation. I could not believe it, I decided this was not going to interfere with my movie and pressed on peeling myself away from their chum conversation and flirtation between the two.
As if that was not enough, a few moments later I caught a whiff of a foul odor but when it did not last long I thought to myself that my sensitive nose was being too irritable however; that was not the case.
The stench resurfaced and it was back with a vengeance amplified by the Air conditioning within the auditorium. This time I asked my company, ‘Can you smell that?’
Friend: ‘Yes I can, he responded and covered his nose with his hand.’
The stench was familiar but I could not place it only for the gentleman seated next to my company to begin to wiggle uncomfortably in his seat. Then it struck me, someone had taken off their shoes and I thought to myself who does that in a cinema.
With all this going on the couple that sat to my left could not stop talking all through and even with such a captivating movie I had already lost my marbles.
‘Hahaha’ a giggle escaped her lips and no stare I gave seemed to let them know that they were being extremely rude.
Gentleman: ‘Omulaba agenda okumu ta.”
Lady: ‘Denzooo anyuma owaye, naye gwe tugenda okulya nga tumaze.”
Gentleman: ‘Kakaana tumale.’
Lady: ‘Ehh banange, did you see the other chic ......’
Please be advised that these 2 individuals well dressed and put together corporate about 30 years old. I spaced out at this point and decided this cinema experience was a total disaster and all that came to mind was a statement that my mother would repeat over and over as she taught me etiquette, ‘you can take the man out of the village but you cannot take the village out of him.’
By this point my hand had been over my mouth and nasal passage for a good 10 of minutes as I braved the next 35 left to the end of the movie. By the time it was finished, I was queasy and disgusted by the whole experience and made a bee line for the exit.
I think it is safe to say we all know who my mother was talking about in this context.