The Corporate job broker

As my week came to an end last Friday afternoon, I made my way to Ssebankyayis one of my favourite local food restaurants in Wandegeya for a late lunch. I was fortunate to sit down next to 2 middle aged gentlemen who were engaged in an amicable conversation as they ate their lunch. I chose to use the word fortunate given the tone of the conversation from these 2 gentlemen.

Gent 1: “Hello, yes sebo. (Hello, yes sir)

Get me 5 more containers of the big size like the other one I ordered for my shipment from Dubai. Do not worry about the payment, my client is a very wealthy Mukiga. He has the money to pay.” he said as he hung up his mobile.

Gent 2: “Eh so I can see business is good.”

Gent 1: “Yes, it is not bad. Haha bwentyo naye how are things?” (Haha so it is but how are things)

Gent 2: “Ahh am waiting to hear from the other guy I told you about.”

Gent 1: “Which one?”

Gent 2: “Oli guy owa Movit deal.” (The other guy of the Movit deal)

Gent 1: “Ohh so he is sorting out your job issue?”

Gent 2: “Yes, oli guy oba he has inside information! Whenever he applies for a job or tells you to apply, the person gets it as long as you follow his instructions and he gets his dimes.” (Dimes - money)

Gent 1: “Eh, so what position is he getting for you?”

Gent 2: “Regional Manager for Movit.”

Gent 1: “Ehh now, how much is that going to cost you,… Zibera meka?” he asked as soup slipped down the edge of his mouth and he briskly wiped up. (How much does it cost?)

Gent 2: “5 million.”

Gent 1: “Eh, kale naye you will make that back mangu. If he is a sure deal why not.” (Eh, okay but you will make that back quickly)

As I listened to this I was amused right until the 5 million Ugx was mentioned. What made me pay attention was the manner in which such a sum was casually thrown around in this conversation. But that aside the gist of it all is that the nature of our corporate work scene requires the job seeker to either have inside information or leverage for employment to be secured. 

What happened to your eligibility being gauged using your track record or having an outstanding resume. If things are this bad what are we doing to the next generation’s workforce, how will they perform, just think of the problems we are creating at every level.

While I pondered on these things, the 2 gentlemen decided they had had enough of their luwombo and abruptly got up and stormed off as they picked their teeth in a great deal of merriment. Oh Uganda!

Day 1/7 The Cinema Villagers

Every once in a while we all want to take some time off to enjoy life and relax, for many it could be through sport, dancing or entertainment such as going to the Cinema. 

The latter is my poison of choice as I do not care much for alcohol or loud night spots, so when I go to a cinema I look forward to those 120 or so minutes of uninterrupted bliss where I immerse myself into another world and forget all the potholes on Jeniffer Musisi’s city roads.

So last week - mid week, I went to watch a movie in the company of a friend and made it just in the nick of time to enjoy the last infomercial before the opening credits. Surprised as I was that the cinema was not full to capacity for its 7 pm viewing, I was happy that I had an extra seat next to me to put my handbag and really enjoy the movie. 5 minutes in I felt a thud at the back of my seat but decided not to think too much about it until it happened again almost in succession. 

I turned around and caught sight of a Caucasian mid teen boy kicking the back of the chair to my left after which he rested his feet atop it. I was stunned but decided to zone out and ignore the uncultured matter in which he was sitting owing to his juvenile disposition.

About 3 - 5 minutes later a gentleman walked in and headed towards my aisle while he was still on his handset and all the way to my row right next to me. This is when I realized that in fact I did have a neighbor so I quickly removed my handbag to give free up his seat.

He hung up his mobile phone and stared at the lad and instantaneously without any hesitation shouting in his direction, ‘gwe sit properly.’

The young man begrudgingly obliged as I wondered why he was barking.

I briefly glanced in his direction before I returned back to the plot that was about to thicken in this Denzel Washington movie only for his device to beep on 15 minutes into the movie. 

He did indeed finally pick it up and after a few chum remarks and intense Whatsapp messaging to whoever was on the other end of the received; he got up and walked off only to return 10 minutes later with a full figured corporate lady. They initially sat down quietly next to me but at the mid way mark began to hold a conversation. I could not believe it, I decided this was not going to interfere with my movie and pressed on peeling myself away from their chum conversation and flirtation between the two.  

As if that was not enough, a few moments later I caught a whiff of a foul odor but when it did not last long I thought to myself that my sensitive nose was being too irritable however; that was not the case.

The stench resurfaced and it was back with a vengeance amplified by the Air conditioning within the auditorium. This time I asked my company, ‘Can you smell that?’

Friend: ‘Yes I can, he responded and covered his nose with his hand.’

The stench was familiar but I could not place it only for the gentleman seated next to my company to begin to wiggle uncomfortably in his seat.  Then it struck me, someone had taken off their shoes and I thought to myself who does that in a cinema.

With all this going on the couple that sat to my left could not stop talking all through and even with such a captivating movie I had already lost my marbles.

‘Hahaha’ a giggle escaped her lips and no stare I gave seemed to let them know that they were being extremely rude.

Gentleman: ‘Omulaba agenda okumu ta.”

Lady: ‘Denzooo anyuma owaye, naye gwe tugenda okulya nga tumaze.”

Gentleman: ‘Kakaana tumale.’

Lady: ‘Ehh banange, did you see the other chic ......’

Please be advised that these 2 individuals well dressed and put together corporate about 30 years old. I spaced out at this point and decided this cinema experience was a total disaster and all that came to mind was a statement that my mother would repeat over and over as she taught me etiquette, ‘you can take the man out of the village but you cannot take the village out of him.’

By this point my hand had been over my mouth and nasal passage for a good 10 of minutes as I braved the next 35 left to the end of the movie. By the time it was finished, I was queasy and disgusted by the whole experience and made a bee line for the exit.

I think it is safe to say we all know who my mother was talking about in this context.

The Rasta taxi driver versus the sauna Corporate

Taxis are my sanctuary for comic relief after a long and stressful day but this statement causes many to turn their heads every time this statement escapes from my lips. Anyway let me get back to telling my story, one evening I entered a taxi as I was heading home I found that our driver was a dreadlocked Rasta and this led my stereo types to set in as I expected this to me a very loud and uncomfortable ride. Let me paint you a mental picture of what I expected - whiffs of some kind of funky smell in the air from a joint/ blunt (marijuana as it is commonly known by youth of our day), an uncultured driver and some very loud reggae music. However, much to my surprise the driver was extremely polite, asked his conductor whether there was anyone coming out at every stage we approached while his radio played at a moderate level. There were no fumes of any sort in the interior of our taxi and I was very glad especially given that I am a non smoker.

So as we headed to Ntinda, we got to Hardware world and there was a jam that caused our driver to veer off from the main route and use the side roads common to taxis so as not to be caught in traffic for hours. As the driver exited the main road, we flew from side to side give the uneven surface of all Ugandan side roads, it was as we were a few meters from the Ntinda stage that I heard a familiar song playing in the back ground. Right as I narrowed my eyes and leaned forward struggling to hear the song, the driver raised the volume and I realized that the song playing was ‘All of me’ by John Legend. I smiled as I thought to myself and nearly said out aloud, “This driver has got style.”

We got to the stage without incident aside from the Rasta taxi driver giving the street preacher who stood in the island at the crossroad of Kiwatule – Ntinda, Kisaasi – Nakawa a high 5. I grinned from ear to ear happy and amused that with all my preconceived notions I was wrong for a change and I was glad but in the next instance I was completely spot on.

I decided to go to a sauna at a health club 2 days later to get back some of sanity and let off some steam after the rigorous schedule over the last couple of months. As I headed to the ladies wing to change into more appropriate attire to get into the sauna room, I decided not to prejudge any one I could and would possibly meet that day. After all I had been pleasantly surprised by the Rasta taxi driver who was well mannered and had an exquisite taste in music. I took a brief shower and got dressed and headed into the sauna expecting to zone out and enjoy this quiet time I assumed I would have to myself; given that I had gone there pretty early in the afternoon to beat the usual crowd.

It was a pretty normal afternoon aside from the fact that there was a group of 4 middle aged more women who went into the sauna as a pack and held conversation well above everyone else in the local Gishu dialect. But even they with their disrobing while in the sauna and scrubbing of each other’s back and chest area, I decided not to let them rob me of my peace of mind. There was not much activity as I enjoyed about 2 – 3 rounds of the sauna with 10 – 20 minute breaks in-between but for a middle aged man who I could see at the side of my eye constantly staring at me whenever I got out but I had refused to look in his direction.

I re-entered the sauna and I was glad that the noisy pack of women that I encountered earlier had left. I sat there for approximately 5 minutes as the other occupant walked out to take a break, then walked in the middle aged man with a bit of a belly who had been staring at me and I later found to be corporate from the manner and nature in which he engaged me in the conversation that ensued. There was as a subtle but firm hint of persistence that I felt in his voice every time he spoke to me and it riled me up.

5 – 10 minutes into the session

Male Corporate: “Ehh it is really hot in here!” he commented aloud.

Me: …………… (I responded to this with silence as I did not see the need to respond to his comment since it was not directed to me even though we were the only 2 people in the room.)

Male Corporate: “Isn’t it hot for you?”

Me: “I am used to it.”

Male Corporate: “So do you work out from this gym?”

Me: “No!”

Male Corporate: “Do you come here often?”

Me: “Not really.”

Male Corporate: “You seem quite fit, where do you work out from?”

Me: “Home.”

Male Corporate: “Oh so your place is around here?”

Me: “………….” (Silence because I realized that this corporate was attempting to chat me with a how is the weather type of scenario.)

I remained calm and silent and hoped that he would take the hint and let me be but I guess this fellow had a few loose screws upstairs.

Male Corporate: “You must be very disciplined in your work out.”

Me: “…………”

Male Corporate: “So do you work out alone?” he asked this as he moved closer to me and he leaned to the side so as to be closer to me.

Another gentleman walked in and I took the cue to exit since my 20 minute session was up and I needed to be well on my way.

Me: I paused for a minute and the responded, “Yes I get a better work out that way.”

Then with a grin on my face I got up and walked to the door and let myself out and did not think much of it until I was out of the shower and fully dressed. As I crossed past the rest area right outside the sauna rooms I saw him sitting alert looking from side to side intently watching the doors every time they opened only to see me walk out from the changing area and exit the sauna area to the gym heading to the exit. He stared in my direction baffled at what had just happened and I could see a look of displeasure on his at the one who got away.