Sunday, 31 January 2016

Clergymen can also be the life of the party

Who knew a clergyman could be so cool, hip and hilarious all at once. This thought never crossed my mind when I confirmed my attendance at the inaugural interdenominational prayer banquet hosted by Pastor Chris Komagum at the Kampala Serena Hotel on 30th December 2015. This event was set up to bring together Christians from all denominations, to come together in unison for prayer for the country. The theme of this inaugural event targeted family and I was a little worried that this would spell a dull and predictable event but I was in for a surprise. I expected the tone of this inaugural event that run under the theme of prayer to be deliberate and the speakers were both knowledgeable and relevant, however nothing prepared me for the last speaker of the night.

The priest who has been married for 25 years and is counting, was lively, entertaining and yet provided very insightful information on what has worked for him in his marriage springing off of the biblical premise. Many of you must be looking for an exit button to leave this post as you think it will follow the usual trend of Christian centric verbatim mixed with theology but this 1 hour session was nothing like I had expected. The nature of his talk was deliberation and of a motivational nature but it was backed by the authority that only one who has lived through and experienced life can speak with. 

‘’Don’t show up to work because you have a contract, it is God who pays your salary.’’
This one hit home and the audience clapped as it was such a fresh perspective from what we all perceive employment to be. It reminded all of us to be diligent in the position that we hold as we are accountable not only to our employer, our colleagues, our families who care for but also God who has entrusted with this responsibility.

Aside from the wonderful food and exquisite entertainment from the Canaan brothers, the most notable highlight for me was Father Sam Luboga and below are key quotes I leave you with to reflect on. If you are dating, engaged or married these quotes are still relevant to you and will open up a trail of thought that not many of you have considered before backed with a pinch of humour.

‘’Those of you watching soaps religiously like it is the gospel truth, are you one of them.’’
Here he alluded to mainly women who religiously watch TV and forget that their homes and partners need time. He was bothered by how attentive we are to things that do not add value and yet deprives us of a great deal of time on a regular basis.

‘’I have converted someone who was a complete stranger to someone who completely cares about me.’’
When you met your spouse you were total strangers, it was a journey and now you have married your friend. That is what was intended as in Father Sam Luboga’s case his wife married him when he was a graduate he was not but she believed in him.

‘’There was a time when I thought men were the only ones who were unfaithful until I became a marriage counsellor.’’
This particular statement received murmurs from the audience and when he realised this was a touchy subject he expounded more on it.

‘’Your marriage is special and unique stop comparing it to others.’’
This is not a copy paste session of what work for me works for you, no one should lie to you about that. I found this very interesting as he emphasized that mentorship is important but every couple has their own dynamic.

‘’Congratulations on your marriage, you are marrying a sinner.’’
Here he reminded us that even though we are excited at that moment when we make those vows you should know that the person opposite you is still a work in progress and you should understand the gravity of the decision you are making.

‘’We are extremely ignorant about how to make our marriages better.’’
By ignorance he meant that we study, seek knowledge and develop ourselves when it comes to our careers’, sport/physical fitness, but when it comes to saving our marriages we slack and do not put in the effort.

‘’As marriage counsellors people come to us hurting but not willing to change.’’
Headstrong people trying to make a point all the time even when their marriages are at stake, no additional explanation was needed as everyone got the point. So much so that the entire hall went quiet and you could almost hear a pin drop.

‘’The amount of sex in the first 3 years of marriage can fly a jet.’’
This one made the entire audience burst into laughter as he likened it to the stage of young love of newlyweds, it made me wonder what happens to the love after child 1 or 2. Does one party begin to take another for granted, or does raising the children take over their lives so much that they forget that it was only the 2 of them in the beginning.

‘’Why waste time picking quarrels and yet you can enjoy marriage life.’’
What is the point of picking quarrels, fighting with your spouse when you could be enjoying spending your life with them? He emphasized that many make this mistake only to realise this when their spouse is not in the picture, have divorced them or has passed on. There is nothing worse than regret when you did not do everything to honour your spouse.

‘’You see these powerful pompous men and yet they cannot even have children, they rely on a woman.’’
I know some people are going to be mad at me for this one but it is so true, for all the bragging that many men do, in the end it is a woman who gives him a child. The moral of the story was remain humble and respect the role each one of you plays as a couple.

‘’If you are away from your husband, mind the gap.’’
Watch and remain aware that your spouse is not around, do not put yourself in situations that would make you do questionable things.

‘’Marriage is accepting to be with someone, to stand by them to develop them until they reach where God intended them to be.’’
Yup, this was a really good one, seeing your partner for who they will be in the future and not the simple roommate they are today.

‘’Reflect on what God intended, not what you intended for your marriage.’’
Live your life being mindful that you are accountable not only to your spouse but someone bigger and just, one who does not take sides. Which means you have a levelled playing field and you need to approach it with that mind-set.

‘’Having children as you go is like MTN where you pay as you go.’’
God’s plan was not for you to have children on the go, this made all of us think a little deeper and it was eye opening. He was emphasising the need for honour of God’s word, honour for your relational partner and honour of her family.
‘’Children were meant to be delivered after marriage not before, having children as you go does not strengthen a union as is the general thinking.’’

The one that continues to settle with me is one that my sister always shares freely when she meets young people who intend to settle down and are in courtship.

‘’Marriage is not for children.’’

Stand warned ya’ll.

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