Taxis have got nothing on Campusers.

Many of you who have travelled by taxi to or from anywhere must have experienced this problem - the supper loud passenger. So here we were leaving Kamwokya taxi stage and there was a young lady of university going age who was seated by the window taking in the scenery as we went along heading towards Ntinda. After a couple of minutes her phone rang and it is the conversation that ensued that made my day or rather the day of all the passengers in the nearly full taxi.

Campuser: “Hello! Ndi mu town. Gwe oli wa? Toli eka kubanga nabadde kumpi ate njagade okulaba.” (Hello, I am in town, where are you? You are not home …. I wanted to see you.)

Campuser: “Oli ku Campus… Ndi kumpi oku tuka! (She paused and listened for further details) campus eya Kyambogo? (You are on campus … I am close by I am about to arrive)

This back and forth went on for a couple of minutes with her trying to convince the person on the other end that she really was on her way.

Campuser: “Nanti omanyi, natambude ku kyalo okulaba mamaa wange. Kati ndi mukubo”“Ndi kumpi, ... kale nvudde Jinja kati ntuse Jinja Road mu kubo naye nkomawo.” (I had travelled up country to see my mother but now …. i am close by I on my way back from Jinja around Jinja Road.)

Mature male Passenger: “hhmmm ehh wano Jinja Road aha abana ba nakuzino.” (hhmm this is Jinja Road aha children of these days.)

3 minutes later

Campuser: “Neda sigenda kujja mu lecture.” (No I am not going to come for the lecture.)

Mature male Passenger: Eh owaye (Chuckled under his breath and let out a sneer as he shook his head from side to side in disbelief.)

Camuser: “Eh na kubide simu …., mbadde nerabidde naye nkoye nyo na kera okutambula okuva Jinja.” (Oh I called you …… I had forgotten about that but I am very tired I travelled quite early from Jinja.)

It only dawned on me then that this young girl was probably calling a classmate to hang out at her home which was somewhere in proximity to Ntinda since that was the stage which we were fast approaching, only to be asked about her attendance of class. I grinned a little and my mind wondered off to my university days to a scenario quite similar to this kind.

We were seated at a restaurant adjacent to our faculty for lunch after which one of my classmate’s phones rang loudly and she quickly silenced us.

Aida: “Hello, sweetie. How are you I have been very busy with class and course work? Nanti i just walked out of a lecture. Can you please hold on my lecturer is talking to me.” (She checks her phone and there was another call waiting and hesitated for a while and did not take it.)

Me: “Aida could we go or we will miss getting good seats for class.” (She shushed me quiet.)

Aida: “Ahhh now also this one, he keeps disturbing me and yet he does want to give me money for airtime.” (She said this as she quickly declined the call and returned to her other call.)

Campuser 1: “Eh Aida your phone keeps buzzing.” (She paid no attention to the comment continued flirting with the gentleman on the other line)

Aida: “Tonight …..ahhh okay! What time but i need airtime, money to photocopy some notes and do my hair. Remember I told you last time nanti I want to look hot for you.”

Campuser 2: “Eh owaye, that had better be Daddy or …..” (This was said to imply her actual father in a satirical manner.)

After her call Aida checked her call logs and found that she had 6 missed calls and a message that read something to this effect.

Mukwano, nga njagala okulaba. Nga tokwata simu yange Njagala okutwala out. (Friend - to imply intimate friend, I want to see you but why are you not answering my calls? I want to take you out.)

Before Aida could even respond the phone rang once more and she rejected the call, I thought this would be the last of it only for the phone to ring again and this time Aida looked like she was considering taking the call. But first she had very explicit instructions for us to carry out.

Aida: “Mwe kati you are going to help me. I do not want to talk to this one I took his money and now he wants to see me but I do not want his rubbish. He is so old and he has a big stomach and he is so ugly he looks like my father naye he is chasing me. So you are going to make sounds like we are in a taxi down town and there is a lot of traffic and we cannot hear. Kale let me answer now.”

Me: “What! Aida are you okay?”

Aida: “Yes, just like we are in a taxi and it is very busy like in the park okay. Now I am going to answer when i tell you then you make the appropriate noise.”

She said this as she nodded and gave us the necessary signals but none of us thought she was serious at all; little did we know we were going to get the shock of our lives in a couple of minutes as she answered her mobile phone.

Aida: “Hello, mukwano ki sweetheart. No no I did not hear my phone ring I am in a taxi going upcountry I am out of town.” “Ehh hello, I cannot hear you properly.”

From nowhere Aida leaned forward and hit me on the arm.

Me: You… that hurt! (I exclaimed while wincing in pain)

I had not been paying attention to her and had diverted the rest of the girls to a fashion magazine display that was now in front of us. She had retaliated by hitting me on the wrist as means to remind me of our cue to assist in her well thought out plan.

Aida: “Make taxi sounds.” (She said in a hush tone as she covered the mouth piece of her phone.)

Me: “What!” (Aida eyed me and repeated her instruction in a firmer tone with pleading eyes)

Campuser 1: “Jinja, Kamuli,….  Nyabo ogende beyi …..” (Jinja, Kamuli….. madam are you heading in our direction…the price is…)

Aida: “Yes, yes..” (She nodded vigorously as if to further rally us on and offer encouragement)

Me: “Tugenda, tugenda, sebo ogenda owaye kanvemu njagala okugenda mu taxi endala nanti temugenda.’’ (Are going, Sebo are going, let me get out since you are not going anywhere.)

Next thing I knew I was doing both male and female voice depictions to respond to myself and the other girl’s conversations as they were now other taxi passengers.

Campuser 2: “Owaye Charlie, jangu wano ompe amazi ekyokunwa. Zibera meka…..” (Young man! come here and give me some water to drink how much does it cost?)

Aida: “Mukwano  I cannot hear you, nanti tuli mukubo mu taxi.” (Friend I cannot hear you since i am on the journey upcountry using a noisy taxi)

Campuser 1: “Conductor maso awo.” (Conductor I am getting out just ahead.)

Aida: “Eh I have to get out and let a lady pass, eh but the network is so bad and I have a lot of luggage so I cannot hold the phone for long.”

Me: “Quack, quack,….”

As soon as she said luggage I instantaneously I began to quack like a duck and crow like a cock but it got so hilarious that the minute I started to quack the 2 other girls could not take it anymore and just burst into laughter which was punctuated with t heir ranting of passengers boarding and alighting different taxis. To this day that is one of my fondest memories of my undergraduate degree days, it is a priceless memory.

Note: The names used in this account are not actual so as to protect the identity of the young ladies.

For my non Ugandan readers, the term Campuser is for a University going students either a young lady or gentleman but is more preferably used for a female. (Ugandan slang)

Ugandan Context of Valentines Day

On one of my usual taxi rides, I was fortunate enough to find the front seat next to another passenger and the driver available and so I took it. It seemed like a regular day with no drama in the offing but all of that changed when I paid attention to conversation that was going on from the driver and passengers.

The driver was recounting to the rest of the passengers a conversation he had earlier listened to that morning on a radio show and it went something like this;

Driver: “Nanti tubade okuwulira radio, wadabbe omusajja nga kubye ku simu.” (As we were listening to radio there was a gentleman who called in…)

Conductor: “Aha.” (Yes!)

Driver: “Titi nagamba, jebale ko sebo mulimutya eyo? (Titi a popular radio presenter said - how are you people over there?)

Caller: “Wano Kamwokya tuli bulungi enkole nungi kati tulinda Valentine.” (The gentleman said, everything is fine over here in Kamwokya we are only waiting for Valentine.)

Driver: “Titi nagamba, Valentine! Valentine kati etuse Kamwokya. Temulina okusasula school fees.”(Valentines! Valentines has even reached Kamwokya. Have you finished paying school fees?) Now Titi the presenter asked this specifically because children had only reported back to school about a week earlier.

Caller: “Owaye, Valentine kubanga mama wa bana taja kufumba oba to muwadde ka Valentine. School fees tujakulabe eda” (My goodness, Valentine because my children’s mother- wife will not cook supper if you have not given her anything for Valentines. The school fees issue we will see later.)

This month is known as the month of love and yet all you love struck puppies celebrate only one day in the entire month so I do not know how accurate that phrase ‘month of love’ is but that is for another day. However, my heart went out to the caller as his wife (baby mama’) priorities were clearly misplaced and he would suffer as a result.

Sadly the resounding roar of laughter which spread like wild fire to the entire taxi was cut short as a lady shouted out from the middle of the taxi.

Lady: “Conductor masawoo kukyambuka” (conductor right ahead at the junction with the road going inwards) to imply she would be alighting shortly and the taxi comes to a halt. I thought nothing of it even when she jumped out with a 12-13 year old girl quick at her heels as they trod up the incline.

Then the driver who had been quiet for only a moment began to bellow away in his now familiar base.

Driver: “Eh oyo muwalawe oba …! Amufanana” (Eh, that is her daughter. She resembles her.)

Front Passenger: “Uhmm, yeee” (Yes) to imply that the young girl must be her daughter but no one else responded and I thought it would all end there.

Driver: “Eh naye ali myaka ki - oba kumi nabiri?” (I wonder how old she is? Maybe 12.)

Front Passenger: “Neda, oyo ali nga kumi na satu. Agenda ku s.1.” (No 13 like she is going to senior 1)

Driver: “Ehhh naye oyo mama we…. nga omwana we ali kumpi kutuka mamawe.” (Eh but he mother is short, her daughter is about the same height as her mum.)

Front Passenger: “Nanti a bana ba nakuzino” (You know how children of these days are.) The passenger said this as she chuckled and I thought to myself but these days have no children we only have children in this day and age.

Driver: “Anti mu kyalo omwana nga oyo kati nandibadde ne omwana.” (In the village a child such as her would already have a child.)

Then the conversation about the differences between children in the city and those in the village ensued between the female passenger at the front and the conductor for over 5 minutes almost oblivious to my presence. It would have continued on and on had the conductor not seen a lady standing by the side of the road waiting.

100 meters from lady

Conductor: “Mama ogenda?” (Madam are you heading in our direction?) To which she did not respond.

50 feet from the lady

The driver flashed his flood lights and honked his horn and both he and the conductor made the necessary hand signals so that she could see where we were heading and flag them down to stop and pick her up. It did not shock me at all she did not respond not even with a nod, all she did was blankly stare at us as we approached and now we were only about 10 feet away from her but even that did not matter. So the driver made the executive decision to pass by her as she did not seem to be heading our way and funny enough as soon as we passed by her, she turned and threw hands up in the air frantic that we did not stop to pick her up.

- 5 feet from her (after we had past the lady)

Conductor: “Parking boss, agenda” (Find parking driver she wants to board!) he yelled and this is all the driver had to say in response.

Driver: “Atulabye nasiriki, nkubye ku ngobe na siriki, owaye tali mumbejja” (She saw us - I honked my horn and she kept quiet, spare us she is not royalty.)

The front passenger and I burst out into laughter and so did a few of the other people in the mid- section of the taxi as he summed up my ride filled with humor with this statement.

Driver: “Owaye a tambule ko asale weight nanti tugenda ku Valentine.” (Let her also walk a little to reduce on her size after all we are heading towards Valentine’s Day.)

Only in Uganda!

Note: Any names used here are not actual as per the incident.

Misguided Police Vigilance

11:45am

It was a day like no other when my sister and I attempted to make our way to the city center by car but had a stopover in Wandegeya where we parked briefly to wait for an individual for a brief exchange. Without leaving the car my sister met the individual for a brief meeting that took maybe 2 minutes, a taxi driver pulled up next to us to the side and blocked us so we could not pull out of the bus stop area wherewe had parked. Now we had parked behind a car in the parking area and another had quickly pulled up behind us so when her quick meeting was over, we had nowhere to go.

 Now every Ugandan knows that our taxi drivers dance to their own beat so we knew better than to rush the taxi driver but rather to patiently wait for him to drive away so that we could leave and head into town. The conductor flung the door open and a passenger briskly jumped out as he passed on his fare only for a police officer to slither from behind the car parked ahead of us in front of the taxi barring the driver from speeding off. Please note that this was not a traffic police man but a normal – police officer who usually wear the signature green uniforms. We thought this confrontation would not take much time and we would be well on our way only for a female traffic police office dressed in trademark white, brandishing an official traffic offence book ready write a receipt for whatever offence stood beside him opening a leaf as she engaged the driver.

5 minutes later

We had patiently waited for this encounter to blow over so that we could be on our way only for it to carry on for an additional 3 minutes. My sister finally got exasperated enough for her rebellious streak to come to the surface and she began to hoot for them to move ahead so that we could drive off.

Sister: “Officer, please allow us to leave.” (She used her hands to action her displeasure after being patient for a while but they took no notice of her and continued to disagree over the offence.)

Police Officer (Ordinary): (After ignoring us for a while) “Allo, madam first wait we deal with this one here – we are still writing his receipt.”

Traffic Policewoman: “Do not even complain, do you know your offence? This is not a parking area….ehhh ……officer what……do not call me.”

I was so amused at how aggressive and humorous the female traffic officer was all at once.

Conductor: “Officer naye olabye motoka wali mabega, aparkinze bubi naye tobawadde papula.” (Officer but do you see that car behind, it is parked badly but you have not given them a receipt.)

Sister: Police Officer: “Deal with him where? Officer you already have him in your custody so let him move ahead so that I can pass and you can continue with him on the issue of his offence.”

Police Officer (Ordinary): “Leo……….” (He ranted on in some Swahili gibberish for about 3 minutes as we both looked at him dumbfounded.)

I almost looked at myself to make sure that I was not in some sort of army fatigue or police uniform. Did he think we were one of his buddies from training school? I know that we come from the Eastern part of Uganda but that does not mean that all Ugandans or Easterners understand the Swahili language.

Sister: “Eh, officer what are you saying?” (With a frown on her face that clearly showed her discomfort and bewilderment, I decided to make fun of it and silently mimic him.)

Police Officer: “You see madam, this is a no parking area it is for stop overs so that is why we are giving him an offence receipt.”

Sister: “Oh no problem officer, that is exactly why I stopped over and did not get out of my car when I got to this bus stop.”

Police Officer: “Yes we also know that it is hard to find parking in the city so we feel sorry for you and allow you to stop over here – but not to park.” (As he leaned into her window I guess for better effect)

Unfortunately for me in this case, I did not get an opportunity to get a clear view of his name tag on his uniform and I was not going to get myself in a bind by attempting to take a picture of him from the front. I did not want my sister’s car to be impounded or something like that since we were right next to the Wandegeya Police station. After a couple of minutes and further persuasion from my sister the receipt was written only for the taxi to be moved forward but the bargaining continued.

I wondered, if you have given me a receipt to pay for a fine due to a traffic offence why do you still continue to engage me and hold conversations after the fact. It simply means that that fine was not going to be paid or was I mistaken? Either way this over vigilant pair wasted about 15 minutes of our time so much that we were now caught up in the midday jam at the traffic lights in addition to the fact that the taxi was parked in a double parking position further aggravating the situation.

Only in Uganda.

Do receptionists learn Etiquette?

Many times when we go to the people’s offices for meetings or to drop into see someone for a quick chat, we underestimate how upbringing impacts and affects our life when we are full grown.  I would like to share my experiences that I had while at 2 different corporate company offices within Kampala.

 Office 1

This was a well-known Ugandan telecom company that has stood the test of time where I had gone with my finance manager to see someone in the finance department who had been asking us to come and sort out some discrepancies in billing for our services. I went through a glass door which had a disclaimer that read “unauthorized personnel should not enter the finance department.”

The discussion between me and the receptionist went something like this,

Finance Manager: “Hello, good afternoon?”

Me: “Hello!”

Receptionist: “………… hihihihi Are you serious, ehhhh let me call you back there is a person at my desk. Good afternoon!” (Youthful and fresh faced lady with a good command of the English language who sat behind a desk and only looked up as she responded after concluding her call)

Finance Manager: “Hello, may I see Mr…….... of commercial section or Mr………. of billing section please?” (I responded playing dumb to the fact that I was sure that the conversation I had cut short was not work related …… but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt)

Receptionist: “Do you know where they sit?”

Finance Manager: “No!”

Receptionist: “Ahhhh wait and I see…….(She said this as she rose from her desk and moved away from it to take a better look at her pool area where all  the number crunching professionals sat. Only when she stepped away from the desk did she step in full view of us so I was able to see that she was not wearing any shoes on her feet.)

“I cannot see them - both of them are not in,” she responded.

Finance Manager: (Eased his way behind her desk next to the receptionist and peered into the distance at the entire expanse of the room and interrupted her) “Ahhhh I can see Mr…….. He can assist me.”

Receptionist:  “If they can help you…… ” (The finance manager did not wait for her to fully respond as he walked off in the direction of the pool area)

I stood there in shock that my boss had not noticed that the receptionist was bare foot right next to him as he moved past her and made his way to the middle of the pool area.

Me: “I will take a seat here as i wait for him.” (She did not even look in my direction as she sat down and picked up the receiver of the pone and punched in a button and continued her call.)

Receptionist: “Eh so you wama, what was I saying. Yes so how are you going to get in, did you find the key? ……. If my land lady is not there then ………..” (As she listened)

“Yeah just under the rug………..Naye that guy is not serious, is he with the other chic also- two timing…. All men are like that.”

Finance Manager: “Joyce, come here I would like you to meet…..”(She did not even look up at any time and I was very amused at how invinsible she made me feel and yet I was seated only 2 feet from her)

The entire time I was at her desk I had been privileged to listen in on her conversation as she caught up with her girlfriend for over 5 minutes. Yes it was the company phone – I made sure to take note and then when we were leaving she stepped on the top of her shoes and dragged them next to the dust bin which was a distance away to thrown litter into it. Her motion reminded me of the way a duck would slowly wade across the compound to a pond as she was took no notice of me at all.

Office 2

Me: “Good morning, how are you? I am here to see Mr……..”

Receptionist: “Who are you?”

Me: “Joyce ….. from ……….. I have an 11:00 am appointment with him.” (There are many ways to ask this question in a polite manner but she chose to ask me – who are you?)

Receptionist:  (She made a call on the intercom) “Mr………, Joyce here to see you. Have a seat and give him 5 minutes.”

3 minutes later - I sit down next to another lady I found waiting in the reception area.

Me: “Good morning Madam.”

Lady waiting: “Good morning to you.”

Receptionist: (Receives a call on the intercom and then actions to a lady going in to the pool area) “Teddy, help me and take this lady to Mr……’s desk.”(She gave this instruction without even looking up as she had preoccupied herself with her mobile phone at her desk)

Teddy: (who has no idea who has come to see who responds) “Ok”

Lady waiting: (Gets up and follows Teddy past the reception and as she begins to enter the pool area she is called back by an abrupt and shrill voice)

Receptionist: (Finally looks up to see the wrong lady going into the pool area) “Teddy…... not that one the other one!” (She pointed at me using her nose.)

Me: (I stood up and pretended I had not seen what she had done and as I walked past her I said “Thank you.”

Let us just say that in that minute my impression of her changed and that is not something that she will ever change. Be courteous to people, no matter who they are or what their status is you never really know who they are.

Keep that in mind.

Culture versus Common sense

It is the norm for most of us Ugandans to adhere to some sort of cultural norm, the only aspect that is debatable is the degree to which this is done. I am not one to take much notice or even get involved in any discussion of such a nature but a day ago I was very intrigued at how varied individuals opinions can be on one same topic and it is these opinions that I intend to share with you.

About 5 weeks ago I adopted a new hair cut which left me with less than an inch of natural hair on my head. We all know that hair grows so after a while needed to go in to get it shaved back to its original glory. So I geared up to go to the barber shop but little did I know what I would expect, first my usual barber was not yet back from his festive season holiday so I had to hunt for a new one in the area. After a brief stroll I managed to find a new one within the same area, I walked in and I was met with long stares but I braved them all and asked to have a haircut.  As a barber approached me he asked me,

Barber:  “Oyagala okusala nvirizo nyabo?”

Me: Ye sebo! (I responded in luganda)

Barber: “Eh naye abakazi tebagala okusala nviri, naye gwe……!” (He paused as if he expected me to respond or cut in to divulge my life’s secrets and justify my reasons as to why I cut it – I did not.)

“Kale muwala bera wano nkusale.” (Girl, really does this man know how old I am.)

I looked at him briefly and in an instant decided it was not worth it correcting him on my status as a young lady and not a girl or teenager.  After all since my original hair cut and this relieved me of 8 years worth of my cascading mane and had an unexpected freeing effect on me. But that is a discussion for another day. I sat down in his chair for my cut and about 8 minutes into it, the conversation began.

We all know how women’s braiding saloons and barber shops are - someone asks a question or starts a discussion based on a movie or a personal issue, regardless as to how it started this is my account of what lived up to be a very intriguing discussion.

Please note that this entire conversation was in Luganda a local dialect of our largest tribe in Uganda.

Barber 2: “Welcome Customer, where did you leave the little girl? You should have brought her to get her hair done with you.”

Customer: “Child, she is a young adult now. I left her home today.”

Nail Lady: “But these days’ children talk like adults even when they are young.”

News cast on the Anti homosexuality bill distracts entire saloon when it run on a local Ugandan television station that started the whole discussion that followed.

Barber 2: “Eh, but you people these things of men being with other men, I do not understand it. It is like parents allowing their male and female teens to share a room!”

“That is where these problems must have begun.”

Barber: What is wrong with that? What is wrong with sharing a room?”(He genuinely seems baffled by his colleague’s statement, so much so that he stopped cutting my hair for a few seconds and held his hips at akimbo.)

Barber 2: “What do you mean, I was brought up in a traditional Kiganda home and I could not even enter my sister’s room and neither did she enter mine.” “It is unacceptable and culturally unheard of.”

Barber: “You are sister and brother; I do not see what is wrong unless you are the one who has a problem mentally…” (The trend of this conversation was what I expected but nothing could prepare me for this.)

 “…I mean, I have ever shared a bed with my sister for about 2 months and nothing happened between me and her. It is all about what is in your head.”

Barber 2: “Eh, what did you say…same bed! Are you okay?” “It must be these people in ‘Bulaya’ who have spoilt /corrupted us by introducing nice concepts that have hidden negatives such as homosexuality that we have to deal with tody.”

Nail Lady: “You must be mad that is very odd, I would never share a room with my brother. For men all they need to do is use his eyes, why do you think that men abuse or defile 5 year old girls?”

Customer: “Hhhmm...ehhhh” (as she jeered and held her head in disgust.)

Barber 2: “Never, so would you chase your sister out of the room every time you need to change and get dressed.” “My father threw us out of the house to the boys’ quarters the minute we got to s.1 and only the girls remained in the main house. So if we did not shower or wash our clothes that was up to us.”

Nail Lady: “I would never allow a boy to mix with a girl, that is unacceptable there is no way to justify it. It is always important to avoid these problems and not create them by making stupid decisions.”(Toyina amagezi – common sense she said: so is this a classic case of common sense or discipline.)

Customer 2 (female): “You will never end this topic.” (She said this as she walked out of the shop and waved goodbye to her stylist.)

I thought to myself that statement from the exiting customer would end the discussion; well I was very mistaken as I realized my barber still had stamina to keep going from an even more scandalous front.

Barber: “So what would you do if your girlfriend came over to your house and she was not well, in the middle of the night - would you touch her?” (He asked this as he looked in the direction of the other barber who stood alongside him and continued to attend to his customer but emphatically threw his hands from side to side emotively as if in disagreement.)

Barber 2: “Sir, you would not sleep in my bed whether you are my sister or not, it does not matter to me what state you were in dressed, naked, fine, sick,… (he was cut short in the middle of his response.)

Nail Lady: “You see a man is a man, so what happens in the middle of the night when you start to dream and forget that it is your sister lying next to you.”

Barber: “It all depends on what is in your head, it is a matter of mental strength and discipline - I would never touch her.”

Nail Lady: “If you say so! But we all know what we know about men.” (This she said as she shook her head and barber 2 next to her continued to refute his claims)

I was shocked, entertained and schooled on what the general public on the Ugandan streets think about this very controversial bill but also on how humorous Ugandans are as individuals. But something that is more intriguing is the way people’s cultural perceptions of these issues have changed and are changing amongst the youth segment of the population. You ask why I say youth – because all the individuals who I was privileged to ease drop on I am sure are less than 40 years old.

After a while I returned with a friend of mine who wanted to cut his hair as well but I was greeted with some interesting humor from my barber. As I walked back into the same barber shop I was greeted with these remarks from him.

Barber: “Eh as you are back young girl, did your parents or man chase you back to get the hairstyle taken out?”

Me: “………..” (No response.)

What amazed me was how audible he was and the manner in which he managed to blatantly ask the question while finding a way in which not to be confrontational at all. For he continued to cut his current customers hair and avoided eye contact with me the entire time, while he honestly waited for my response.

Only in Uganda!

4:00 am visitor

I often write about humorous aspects of life that I chance upon on my travels or amusing discoveries I make while making my way in this world. But allow me to steer away from this for this moment to tell you a tale that amused, shocked and frightened all in one go.

11:55pm

It was a night like no other as I watched my favorite cooking show as women do while lying on the couch as I sipped a cup of strong tea to ready me for sleep only that I did not get that far. Feeling too tired to get myself to bed I decided to nap for a while on the sofa as I bargained with my will to muster up the energy to carry me to bed.  I was soon out like a baby from a warm shower on a bottle after being hyper active for the entire day.

3:59am

In the thick of the night I came to consciousness for a brief couple of seconds to turn in the sofa in which I now lay only to pick up sounds in the background. For a moment, a part of thought I was hearing things as they were so low they were almost inaudible to pick up. My brain quickly started to filter out every single sound in the entire house allocating to whichever home appliance may still be on or item such as fridge, phone, TV, door squeaking you get the point. Only that this time the TV was off as I had turned it off before I dozed off, the doors were all locked as I had grown accustomed to doing so that did not squeak in the night and my mobile phone was on silent.

I became even more attentive and listened to all the sounds outside trying to convince myself that I was hearing things and I should go back to sleep. Only that this time when I isolated all the other sounds I could hear silent screeching from outside, my paranoia kicked in and I tip toed to the window as if  not to scare whatever and whoever was outside. I honestly did not think I would find anything as I first looked at my car right outside the window and it seemed pretty intact only for my gut feeling to kick in as I went to the extreme end and took a look in the direction of my neighbor next doors’ car. I did it almost as an afterthought while I was pulling away from the window only to be shocked at what my eyes had come across.

4:02pm

There was a lean framed young man in fitting clothes comprising of a yellow shirt with a maroon sweater and navy blue skinny jeans peering through the glass of his car. I was so stunned by his boldness because there was a security light just above him. All I could muster at the time was to hit the window violently so that he was made aware that I had seen him but I did not utter a word since I am not the uber- feminine type who ululate and scream. He ducked to get cover and disappeared from sight as he waited it out until an hour later when I was asleep - or so he thought.

I waited for the inhabitants of the house and car I was defending to come out and walk around and aid me in ensuring that we show our presence so that the thief/ thieves would not come back but no one did.

But owing to my adrenaline boost, I could not go back to my sleep that was so rudely interrupted by him at 3:00am. I transferred my duvet from the room and laid it out on the living room carpet and waited to make sure that he indeed was gone.

5:10pm

Again I hear the little almost nonexistent sounds I had heard once that were now all too familiar and yet still easy to miss. I walked silently to the window and peeked through once again only this time what I saw was a little different but more dramatic. The lean gentleman of the night had found his way to the inside of the car and was in the passenger seat with a flash light busy at work. My adrenaline turned to rage at how impudent this lad was - he really had the nerve to actually come back a second time. Now this time I hit the window so hard I thought I would break through the glass and this time I screamed.

Me: “Gwe! Gwe!”

Thief: …… (Continues to flash his light in the car as he attempts to continue work both quickly and silently)

I do not think he heard me so I stepped it up a notch as I was a bit of a distance away from him and the fact that he was in a car did not help.

Me: Eh gwe mumotoka, nkulaba

Thief: “………….”  (He looked in the general direction of the voice he was hearing for a few seconds and then began to exit the car)

Me: “Vamumotoka gwe, gwe, gwe, nkulaba ngenda okuyita polisi bakutwale.”

Now this threat would have been very non-threatening aside from the fact that we have a police post about 250 meters from our house, so I can see why he ran off.

Thief: “…………”

5:22am

The thief exited the car and closed the door rather gently as if not to wake its owners who were dead asleep and then he covered his face with his hand and passed under the window from which I watched him and run behind the house. Had I not heard a thud a few seconds later I would not have been a little reassured that he had scaled the over the back wall and run off. I did call the police and they instructed the police post closest to us to come to check it out, they never did.

7:00am

I lay awake up until daylight and woke up my neighbors’ so that they could check and access the damage done the previous night since they did not even come out to support me when I was chasing away a thug from making off with their car parts. I was shocked at how calm she was almost frustrated and defeated at the thought that she had yet another part to replace and said my husband will replace it. She has been robbed before and it was actually when she had a guard around so she fired him, so it poses the question – how safe are we this festive season if they policemen at these police posts cannot even care for their respective zones and divisions.

Must we first loose our lives!

6:00pm

PS: I am still waiting for the police to come and check out the scene of the crime, let’s hope that they do sometime this year or I may have a thief sleeping right next to my window pretty soon.

Campuser meets Office Lobby

Many a time i have sat in a company lobby waiting my turn to see a friend, an employee or even a   manager, but never have i been so disgusted as i was today. I walked into the lobby past the seating area which was rather full; straight to the front desk at the reception  to get some assistance from the pleasant and polite admin lady.

Me: "Hello, good morning"

Receptionist: "Good morning to you!" (In a very professional manner)

Me: "i am here to see ........."

Receptionist: "He has not come in as yet, but you can wait or come back later."

Me: "No problem i will wait, thank you."

As i walked to take a seat i realized that there was nowhere to sit in the main area so i resorted to sitting on one of the stools along the wall that seemed more decorative than functional. However, i did ask the receptionist before i sat down as to whether that was fine and she said it was ok.

There were 3 young ladies seated on 2 sofa sets with their hand bags turned inside out as they frantically scribbled on sheets of paper in front of them. They conferred  one to another from time to time comparing notes about what they were doing to make sure they were on the same page, i ignored them for the next  4 or so minutes until another lady came to meet them from within the office pool area. She flew past me to them and spoke in hushed tones but was visibly agitated asking them one thing then another as she brushed aside on sheet of paper then another as if searching for a hidden diamond beneath it all.

She finally threw all caution to the wind and spoke in a relatively elevated tone, enough for me to make out what it was she was saying.

Young Office Lady: "You where is your passport photo, naye  gwe tobera fala!" (in an excited but agitated tone)

Friend 1: "Here,  ahhh let me look for it in my bag."

As she further dug into different compartments of her hand bag for that which had suddenly gone missing in between all the clutter strewn across half of the seat that she shared with the other young lady - a friend i presumed.

Young Office Lady: "Get it and also finish up your application letter.. banange you have to hurry so i can take  them and slip them into the pile."

Friend 1 : "Ok ok  here everything is."

The young office lady took a few documents from her and hurried off but returned in a few minutes after noticing that she had forgotten an academic testimonial and also needed to collect other 2 ladies documents for submission. With her constant scurrying around it was hard not to  notice them in the waiting area as half whispered and giggled

Friend 2: "Take mine i have finished with the letter."

Young Office Lady: "Where have you been, you are so late?"

5 minutes later the door opens and another of the 3 musketeers walks in with a very relaxed demeanor and with a white envelope in hand.I realized that i was not  the only one who had noticed all this activity but no one seemed to mind as they went about their business and caused a mini traffic jam to the kitchen in a bid to get their mid-morning coffee. My mouth dropped open in shock for in that second it all came to me.

Friend 3: "I got lost but i have everything all together i am also done and take Mary's as well."

Young Office Lady: "Did you do CV, Transcript, Application Letter,..."

Friend 3: "I do not need a letter but i have everything else."

Then the bickering started as she argued with the young office lady about whether she really needed to write a letter of application to attach to the accompanying documents. Eventually the young office lady won and the 3rd friend quickly scribbled down a letter without much thought or care within 5 minutes.  The young office lady must have been an employee of the establishment and these 3 other friends of hers were fresh out of  the university looking for employment as well. All the hush scurrying around was because their friend must have had inside information a job opening and was getting their CV's and document submitted by the famous - back door approach.

As i was deep in thought i was nudged in the arm by the 2nd friend who had stretched to ask me a question.

Friend 2: "Ah.......... good morning."

Me: "Good morning to you!"

Friend 2: "Do you know what this place is called?"

Me: "Sil......."

Friend 2: "Silico.."

Me: "No Sil....., they are................"(As i repeated the name to her once more and explained what it was they did exactly)

Friend 2: " Ehh....., I have heard about them. I hope i get."

This young lady had indeed submitted her CV and other documents only 15 minutes ago for a position in this organization and yet she did not even know what it was called. After my meeting I walked out through the very same lobby and found all 3 still waiting to get audience of some sort with another party for an interview i presumed or something of the like - but i was shocked. All that came to mind was, i wonder what my children will learn when they go to the university and i passed all of them on my way out as they went back to their smart phones and tweeted and face booked away.