In a bid to break my antisocial habits I made a decision to attend my cousin's wedding. Aside from this new resolution, it is also extremely difficult to dodge a wedding when your personal invite has been delivered to your workplace. However, at the end of the night, I was glad that I showed up because the MC really did make the night – all by himself. I experienced something I have not in a really long time, an MC who thoroughly enjoyed the wedding more than the guests and the bridal party.
I must note that the MC was not the only highlight of this wedding, there was this instance just after the cutting of the cake when the bride was scheduled to throw her bouquet (yes it was scheduled on the program), that he got every single bridesmaid and friend of the bride to come and take part.
MC: ‘’Hey, if you are single or he has not put a ring on it I expect to see you here.’’
The single ladies were a little shy and most did not respond to his calls to participate so he amped it up and resorted to calling out names.
MC: ‘’If you are single and you are not here, do not complain if this favour passes you by. This is a divine moment, your husband could be in this very place. Can I hear an Amen.’’
I was so amused I burst out in laughter only to see one of my aunties ahead of me turn and motion to me to go in front and join the group. I politely declined and unfortunately that would open me up to a whole other grilling session I would be a part of where I would have to explain why I had not declared my status to them as - dating. (Let me not digress)
As all this commotion was taking place, at the table right behind me there were ladies in their late 30’s and early 40’s who had been dancing the entire wedding and talking so loudly I would often hear them above the MC’s baritone.
Lady 1: ‘’Athieno, why aren’t you getting up to go in front?’’
Athieno: ‘’Because I am not single.’’
Lady 2: ‘’ No, but the MC did not say if you have a man hanging around you. He said if you don’t have a ring on your finger.’’
Athieno: ‘’But I am not searching.’’
Lady 1: ‘’No you are not but Oboth is clearly still searching. Do you see him around there, over there chatting with those younger ladies.’’
Athieno: ‘’Maybe they are his nieces.’’
Lady 2: ‘’ If my husband held his niece's handbag and hand like that he would not have any supper.’’
Athieno: ‘’Well me I am content, God will sort me out.’’
I could not help but snicker as I listened to them from my seat and watched this drama play out before me almost play like in this mix of a blend of a modern and traditional wedding setting.
MC: ‘’Okay time is up. Mugole (bride), we are going to count down from 5 – 1 and then you can close your eyes and throw the bouquet.
The crowd went wild into laughter as the last 3 girls shot out of their seats and run to join the group waiting to catch the bouquet.
MC: ‘’Wow, these ladies really want to meet Mr. Right and all the single brothers say……’’
The crowd shouted back in response, ‘’Amen.’’
MC: ‘’Single gentlemen and especially those in the groom’s party, I hope your eyes are open and you catch this vision. Okay, let’s count down 5, 4, 3, 2……..1.’’
When the bride closed her eyes and threw that bouquet I could not help but feel glad that it was a non-living thing. There was 1 lady from the group of 3 who had joined last that jumped so high that she mimicked a high jumper at the Olympics. She grabbed the tip of the bouquet as another lady grabbed a hold of it as she was descending mid-air. We all watched in shock as the Olympian nearly elbowed the other lady to a point she let go.
That squabble was not the least of the excitement with the most shocking part of the entire bouquet toss being during it. Now a word of advice to every young or middle aged lady going for a wedding. ‘Be mindful of what you are wearing.’
So the 20 something lady who won the bouquet toss was wearing a short and flimsy dress and had not thought through her actions before she decided to take part. She had jumped so high that due to the laws of gravity, her dress joined in the jump exposing her now not so private parts to the rest of the guests at the wedding.
I thought she would have been so embarrassed that she would have left the wedding celebration immediately but to my surprise, she fell to the ground into a squat with the bouquet and composed herself as the MC said.
‘’Wow, dear single brothers this is serious.’’
The rest of the crowd burst into laughter while a more senior lady held her mouth as she tried to recover from the shock of what they had just seen. The bouquet toss winner got up, laughed it off and walked off grinning from ear to ear with her prize.
What a wedding and who said weddings are boring?