Do you have a woman or a wife?

Burials are very somber occasions where you get to take stock of your life and what value you have added to people and whether you have done what you are passionate about. Last year, I traveled to Tororo town for my uncle’s burial to pay my respects and say goodbye to a man I never saw sick or heard complain. A cool man who was senior in age but not the heart. When you think of him you would not use the word old because that implies tired and frail but that is not an accurate comparison of who he was.

Although burial services are often sad events, I was greatly entertained by the Catholic priest who conducted the mass and the best man of the deceased who told the most hilarious stories about him that I will remember for years. The catholic priest was young compared to the crowd at this burial but very theological, therefore with his youth came a fiery dissemination of the written word in a way that is uncommon and very refreshing.

The deceased had been married to the same woman for 50 years and was an ardent supporter of the catholic church for all his life, this seemed fitting and served as the foundation for his sermon that day

Catholic Priest: ‘’Praise God!’’

Audience: ‘’Amen.’’

Catholic Priest: ‘’Today, we celebrate the life of a man who understands what service and commitment are about.’’

Audience: ‘’Yes, amen.’’

Catholic Priest: ‘’Those of you who have not wedded in church and you pass on, you have left a woman. Do not be mistaken, you have not left a wife because you have not wedded in church - Holy matrimony.’’

To this many in the crowd giggled and a few middle-aged women began to look at the gentlemen seated next to them. It was quite the sight as I observed many give glances and gentle nudges as though to drive a point home. Then I adjusted my seat for better viewing of this clergyman and paid keen attention

Catholic Priest: ‘’So any man can wake up and come and take her for a wife and you cannot complain. So respect her and make her your wife; not your woman.’’

The giggles had now evolved into loud ramblings of affirmation with many clapping intermittently but nothing had prepared me for the analogy that he intended to use shortly.

Catholic Priest: ‘’When you watch men drink from the same malwa (local brew) tubes and they do not wipe it. I admire that level of love between them. I am not saying go and begin to drink alcohol. I am telling you to remember that you are a visitor here. It is, therefore, important that you know that your life is temporal and you are accountable to a greater person. You can have children but not raise them, we cannot call these children of value.’’

Many burst out in laughter at the alcohol reference but this clergyman was not mincing his words.

Catholic Priest: ‘’Invest in your children so that you can be proud of them when you pass on so that they are a clear representation of who you are.’’

This statement came after a long and detailed reference to the deceased’s emphatic insistence in educating both his daughters and sons. He also raised them to be God fearing, driven, achievement-oriented and to have empathy for people.

Catholic Priest: ‘’The deceased was not a minister, council member or chief but he made his mark.’’

As we walked to our cars and the rest of the village folks set off for their long walk back home, this clergyman had lit a fire and started conversations all around. Many laughed along as they spoke and reflected on what he had said but there were also a few men who were cornered and put on the spot as to the nature of their status.

The take home for me was, people need to be valued, loved and celebrated and if you have a person of substance and do not value them someone else will. Time does not wait for any man so make the most of your stay here, we are all but visitors passing through onto a better place.

What will be said in your Eulogy? It is still being written so make your mark.

The photographer who was hungrier than our guests

I have been fortunate to have attended quite a few functions and wedding celebrations for close family members in a span of 3 months this year. From these events I have drawn invaluable experience on how to and how not to deal with service providers however, there is an area I would like to address and that is of photo and video coverage personal. 

Now for all of you who live in Uganda and have been fortunate to throw birthday parties or family events you know how difficult it is to handle service providers regardless as to how big or small the event is.

Recently at my cousins wedding, my sister and I were fortunate to serve as ushers and reception coordinators as we were fairly acquainted with both sides of the family. During this time I had the opportunity to interact with the days photographers who were from a hip and very popular company. Much to my surprise and disgust, they conducted themselves in a manner that left a lot to be desired and that is putting it mildly as you can read in the conversation that ensued at about dinner time.

Mature male Photographer: “Madam we have not eaten,” he said boldly as the bride and groom’s family members began to queue for food.

Me: “I beg your pardon!” I quickly said in response hoping that my ears were playing tricks on me and I had probably misheard them.

Younger male photographer: “We need food.”

Me:  “Really, speak to the lady over there in a polka dot dress she will assist you,” I politely said so that I could focus on getting the important family guests to their seats with refreshments as some were still arriving late due to the Friday night Kampala traffic.

I forgot about this little tiff and went back to my duties only for the mature gentleman to pull me aside 20 minutes while rubbing his stomach. I guess that was meant to be a signal of sorts.

Me: “Yes!”

Mature male Photographer: “Enjala!” he said with a straight face as the guests continued to the serving areas.

Me: “Sebo, how do I serve you before even half of my guests have even eaten?” I responded as politely as I could.

Mature male Photographer: “But I am also hungry,” he retorted.

Now, I need to give you a history on this particular service provider. The management of this service provider wanted 70% payment before even setting foot at the hair salon or church which meant that he came late for the service. By service time he had been fully paid but we on the other hand had not received the service we had been promised. In other wards the kasuze katya, salon and beginning of the church photographs had not been taken and they were also pretty late for the reception. Now here this mature gentleman was hounding me for food while none of his team was even taking photographs of my guests in queue and he still had the audacity to pull a fast one on me. 

A few moments later as I went to take the first batch of guest to the dessert table as this was a 3 course meal, I found this same photographer with a full plate of an assortment of dessert which included cake, pastries and fruit. I could not help thinking, by the time that you are late to a church service at 4 pm, squeeze me for the largest percentage you can get for payment and arrive late at the reception; the least you can do is eat before you come to work.

I decided not to put this service providers name as I actually went to school with this person but all I can say is the respect I once had for him is all but a memory and I will not be recommending him to anyone else. If you own a company that provides a service for any event train your staff on how to deal with customers at events and feed them before they get on site.

I cannot pay you for a service and then feed you at the event as well. Please try to be serious.