The Nigerian movie loving Bartender

From an earlier post you all remember Prime Hotel – the one that locked us out and one where we woke up to loud music from housekeeping. So on realizing that our accommodation arrangements with Prime Hotel were not going to work we checked out and began the search for another option while we were still in Tororo. 

We had started making calls to other family members for any advice where we could stay while in town when I caught sight of a new sign post at the side of the road just before the 

Total station seated next to the highway heading to Malaba. This is the highway off of which you can find Rock Hotel – the one with the red circular beds.  

I convinced my family to turn off the road and follow the path all the way around to a gate with ample security that led to a well manicured lawn with a close knit room setting. From the outside the neat and orderly nature of the establishment caught our attention and we decided to give it a try and boy were we pleasantly surprised. After a brief while at the spacious and unfurnished reception we checked in and ordered for lunch where we all met at the partly open dining. Now this place called Green Meadows is very new so much so that they have not even officially opened but the rooms are spacious with personalized towels, it is quiet since it is a distance from the main road away from the noise. Except for early in the morning when the trucks hit the humps on the Malaba bound highway. So as I took all the fresh air in and stood outside my room I decided that I would hold out on making a decision until I had tasted the food so we all headed to lunch. (In picture -Green Meadows Tororo)

Cousin 1: “So what is on your menu?”

Sister 1: “Could we have a menu?”

Waiter: “Sorry, we do not have a menu yet.”

Sister 2: “So how are we supposed to order?”

Waiter: “I can tell you what we have and then you decide and I tell the chef to prepare it for you.”

Cousin 2: “But why don’t you have a menu?”

Waiter: “We are new and have not even officially opened so we do not have a menu set yet.”

We were a bit surprised but made our orders anyway and much to our amazement, the food was quite good with a sizable piece of chicken and the stew was full of body and tasteful. Our only negative comment was that the food portions were not regular and it was hard to tell the cost before eating since there were no menus.

Sister: “So how much is the meal?”

Waiter: “Your meal costs 18,000 madam.”

Cousin 2: “And mine?

Waiter: “It costs 18,000 madam.”

Cousin 2: “So is every plate at the same price like a buffet setting?"

Waiter: “No madam.”

Sister 2: “But you said each of our orders costs 18,000.”

Waiter: “Yes madam, because anything involving chicken costs 18,000.”

Cousin 2: “hihihi involving”

Sister 1: “What about items involving vegetables,” she teased.

Cousin 1: “Involving chicken, that is a good one.”

With all this going on I smiled to myself as this conversation reminded me of the only lunch we had at Prime Hotel for a day earlier.

Prime Hotel

Sister 1: “So can we order some food, where is your menu? But we are very hungry so we hope that it is not going to take long to get our orders out.”

Waitress: “Here is the menu, but then since you want in a hurry you order chicken and chips.”

Sister 2: “But if I do not want chicken and chips!”

Waitress: “Then there are other things on the menu to order.”

Cousin 1: “So can we have something from your burger or salad section.”

Waitress: “We do not have burgers.”

Cousin: “But it is on the menu! Ahh, what about local food with some chicken.”

Waitress: “That one will take 40 minutes and you said you are in hurry, so order chicken and chips.”

Sister: “Well it looks like all that is on the menu is chicken and chips so let’s order that.”

As we waited for our orders, we flagged the waitress and asked for some soft drinks not thinking that this request would be any trouble.

Sister: “Can we order drinks – say Mountain Dew, Mirinda Apple and Water.”

Waitress: “Okay! She said as she walked away in the direction of the bar tender who was in plain sight a few feet away from us watching the screen at the bar above his head behind him.

Waitress: “Get me, Mountain …”

Bartender: “We do not have soda,” he responded even before she was all the way into our drink order.

Waitress: “What do you have?”

Bartender: “Beer!” he said without even turning away from the screen.

Meanwhile we were wondering why the waitress was taking ages to get soft drinks as we waited for our meal. Eventually she made her way across the dinning and back to our table with this response.

Waitress: “I am sorry all we have for you is the mineral water but the other orders are not there.”

Sister: “Hhhmm but you have 2 whole fridges!”

Waitress: “Am sorry madam that is all we have.”

Sister 2: “Okay get me my mineral water.”

Sister 1: “Alright, do you have any soft drinks available.”

Waitress: “Let me check with the bartender,” she said as she turned around and asked him right in front of us.”

Waitress: “Sebo, toyina awo soda?” (Sir, you do not have any sodas at all?) she asked as she implored him to check.

He waited for the scene dialogue to end and that is when I realized that the Nigerian movie had finally come to an end and he turned around for the first time since we had taken our seats at the restaurant.

Bartender: “I have a Sprite.”

Waitress: “There is a Sprite.”

Sister 1: “hhmmm we will have that.”

With a grin on my face and chuckles all around the table, we received our meal and soft drink and ate in silence and shock taking in what had transpired a few moments ago - at how unbothered the bar tender seemed after ignoring us – paying customers. After lunch when I walked past him to the sink next to his bar station I peered behind the bar counter and saw a fully stocked fridge with beers with an identical one next to it utterly empty it nearly seemed whipped down. Then it hit me, this is proof that attests to the fact that Uganda is indeed at the top of the list of highest alcohol consumers in our region. So I guess in my opinion the bar tender may have actually gotten his priorities straight – from his point of view but in my book I do not trust any bartender who is smitten by Nigerian movies.

I am just saying, no offence intended.