The Ugandan lady who stole my seat on the bus from Kenya.

Last December, I enjoyed the opportunity to travel back from Kenya to Uganda using the night bus from 6:00 pm – 6:00.  I was dreading the trip back given how tiring I knew it would make me, but all I could do was walk up the stairs to get into the bus’ VIP section. 

As I did, I was greeted by a light skinned mature aged lady munching away at a chicken wing of her take out. I was puzzled because I was sure she was in my seat so I turned around and asked the person I was travelling with for confirmation.

Me: ‘Hey, which seats are we in?’ I asked as I turned around to face him.

Travel Companion: ‘The 2 front seats on the left hand side of the VIP section.’

Me: ‘Okay, well we have company.’

Travel Companion: ‘What do you mean?’ he said in response as he peered over my shoulder as the conductor nudged us forward so we could depart.

Mature aged Lady: ‘Eh negomba ekyenyanja,’ she shouted across the aisle oblivious to our presence. She was shouting to a younger gentleman we later found out was her travelling companion.

Conductor: ‘Eh bwana twendekazi, we have to go Kampala,’ he said in a bid to hasten our footsteps so we could get seated and leave Nairobi.

Travel Companion: ‘Nyabo you are in our seat, look at our tickets. Can you please move to your seat?’

She ignored us for the most part and the conductor got tired of waiting for us to get seated so he closed the door and signaled to the driver to hit the road.

Travel Companion: ‘Madam, we really need to take our seats we paid for VIP for a reason.’

Mature aged Lady: ‘Mubere wali ne mulinda male enkoko yange,’ she said in response with not so much as a look in our direction.

In that instance as she said those words I smiled and thought, even when you are miles away from home a Ugandan will always be and act like a Ugandan.  Even though they may not necessarily look like Ugandans and you least expect to run into them.

Now at this point we had been standing in the aisle for about 3 minutes, looking like fools as we waited for her to get up and move into her seat. At this very instance, the bus flew out of the parking area and we nearly toppled over so I asked my travel companion to take her official seat across the aisle as I sat next to her and waited for this to get sorted out. It took the lady about 20 minutes to finish her meal as my travel companion could be heard grumbling audibly in the distance.

Travel Companion: ‘I do not understand why we get seat numbers if they cannot be enforced by the bus company.’

Me: ‘Calm down.’

Travel Companion: ‘Conductor, why do I pay for a VIP seat if I am not going to enjoy it?’

He looked in my travel companion’s direction for a moment but then turned away and headed to the back to begin to serve the snacks to the rest of the passengers.

Travel Companion: ‘I am not using Simba coach again.’

Me: ‘Let it go.’

The ladies travel companion (the younger male) seated across the aisle next to my travel companion responded ‘Let her finish her food and then she will move, she told you she will move.’ This was said in a luganda accent.

Travel Companion: ‘Yes but this discomfort could have been avoided.’

Mature aged Lady: ‘Eh nkuse!” she said as she jumped out of the seat next to me and I excused her as she exchanged seats with my travel companion about 30 minutes after we hit the road.

I was glad that my pal could now take his seat next to me, we could chat and watch a movie, but one thing the old lady did not tell me when she moved was that she had left me the fried carcass of her chicken at my feet. I was annoyed but decided that I should be thankful enough that she had finally moved to her seat and I was now able to charge my phone using the socket just below my widow.

It is safe to say the rest of my journey back home was smooth sailing.

The Kenyan bartender’s exotic bride.

As I enjoyed my trip to Kenya a week before Christmas, little did I know that it would be such an education on how different people are and how varied their culture is. It does not matter how close they live to each other, there is a yearning to experience another person’s way of life. One such experience was the one I had while at the Bounty hotel somewhere in Nairobi - South B, where I stayed for the entire duration of my visit.

I did not leave my room for most of my stay while at the hotel but decided to the morning of my departure. The hotel bartender was very chatty and this was equally matched with his outgoing nature that I took no notice of until the day I was leaving for Kampala. On this occasion, I decided to come down for breakfast and sat right in front of his bar area to watch some news on the screen adjacent to his area. I made my order for breakfast and decided to go the full nine yards which was toast, African tea, sausage, omelette, fruit salad and fresh juice. Little did I know how interesting this conversation would be but then again what did I expect; since I had heard the tales of how bartenders know everyone’s secrets.  So I assume it takes a good one to entertain guests and keep them as regulars at a particular bar.

Bartender: ‘Hello, I have seen you around here?’

Me: ‘No I usually have my breakfast in my room and I am not one for alcohol so I have not visited your bar section.’

Bartender: ‘Oh really, you don’t drink alcohol.’

Me: ‘No that’s why I am usually seated on the other side at the food court.’

Bartender: ‘Yes, that is where I saw you. Well you do not sound like you are from here?’

Me: ‘No.’

Bartender: ‘Are you from Uganda?’

Me: ‘Why would you think that?’

Bartender: ‘Ugandan ladies dress nicely and look nice.’

Me: ‘Yes I am but you already seem biased with your love for Ugandan women.’

Bartender: ‘Yes I want a woman from Uganda.’

Me: ‘Why?’

Bartender: ‘For that exotic feel that she is not form here (Nairobi or Kenya).’

Me: ‘Hihihi, so what is the difference I thought a woman is a woman anywhere?’

As I asked this my Kenyan guide (friend) arrived in time to take me around for some last minute shopping before I was scheduled to leave for Kampala.

Kenyan Guide: ‘Good morning, I hope you slept well. He should tell you the real reason why he wants a Ugandan woman.’

Now my Kenyan friend is the one who recommended the hotel so he was very familiar with the staff and was a regular at the bar especially with his ardent love for Tusker.

Bartender: ‘Hihihi they look nice, don’t you see your friend.’

Kenyan Guide: ‘No bwana, the real reason you told me about the last time we talked. Didn’t you say you want a ganda.’

Me: ‘Oh you mean a Muganda why?’

Bartender: ‘Because they are very well behaved and she will kneel down for me when I get home.’

I could not help myself and burst out laughing when I heard this, I had waited patiently for some grand well orchestrated answer only to receive this one. At the end of the day all he wanted was respect and submission and those are aspects he felt he could not find in a Kenyan woman.

Me: ‘Well, yes they do kneel down out of respect – but those are the ones brought up in a traditional setting. But I must warn you there will be need for you to have a traditional marriage ceremony and that will cost you.’

Bartender: ‘Oh akina bride price?’

Me: ‘Yes. For the Baganda/ Ganda it is things like vegetables, traditional dresses and gifts customary to their culture. Occasionally the father of the bride will ask for one high priced item like a fridge or sofa set.’

Bartender: ‘Oh okay so that is about 50,000 bob (Kenyan shilling) max.’

Me: ‘Yes about or higher,’ I responded after quickly doing the math.

Bartender: ‘So are you a Ganda?’

Me: ‘No I am a Ugandan Luo.’

Bartender: ‘Luo!’ he responded while almost screaming for the entire bar.

Me: ‘Yes.’

Bartender: ‘So do you speak Kiswahili or your mother tongue fluently?’

Me: ‘I do not speak Kiswahili, but I do speak my mother tongue fluently and can understand a bit of Kenyan Luo.’

From that point onwards, the conversation went on in Luo much to the disappointment of my Kenyan tour guide/ pal who is not Luo.

Kenyan Guide: ‘Eh atti now you are speaking Luo ehh so I am not part of the conversation ehh.’

His complaints fell on deaf ears as the bartender continued with our conversation like he was not even there.

Bartender: ‘I will be visiting Uganda in June; I need someone to show me around.’

Me: ‘I am not much of a party animal but I can get you someone to show you around.’

Bartender: ‘So are you available? I do not see a ring on your hand?’

Me: ‘No I am not available, I responded as is smiled.

Bartender: ‘Okay then you can get me your younger sister?’

Me: ‘Nope all my sisters are married anyway and I am the last born.’ ‘I also believe a man should look for his own woman,’ I said as I stood up and excused myself since I had to check out with my bags.

The bartender grinned as I got up from my seat and extended his hand in a hand shake as he wished me a safe trip back home.