The night shift bank security guard.

We have all encountered that annoying security guard once or twice if you live or work in Uganda, whether it was at a checkpoint of a mall, an office entrance, washing or parking bay. There is one similar characteristic that they all share; they all think for you and make assumptions without having all the facts.

Recently I went to a DFCU bank Ntinda branch at Capital shoppers and on the outside there is an ATM with a security guard who was dozing at the time and only woke up when I pushed the booth door open. 

Within 1 minute I realised that there was a technical problem with this machine and I was not happy that I would have to go all the way to the Nalya Quality shoppers’ branch or back to town. I decided to engage the guard to see if I was the first person to complain that the ATM was not dispensing money.

Me: ‘’Hello Sebo, has this machine been down all day.’’

Security Guard: ‘’No it has been on and off like that like for about 2 hours.’’

I wondered, how an ATM machine worked like a security lights that go on and off but that is a discussion for another blog altogether.

Me: ‘’Okay so should I try again?’’

Security Guard: ‘’Let me see,’’ he said and after a minute he told me to come back after 5 minutes.

Me: ‘’Okay,’’ I said begrudgingly but decided to stroll around the mall as I waited.

However when I returned and walked towards his direction and said ‘’I hope this device will work this time and not capture my ATM card.’’

Security Guard: ‘’Nanti, the problem is you are talking too much.’’ (In Luganda)

Me:  ‘’What, excuse me!’’

Security Guard: ‘’You are saying too many things, you just keep quiet, believe and go back and try. But if you talk, talk, like that then of course it will not work.’’

Me: ‘’Fine,’’ I responded as I walked back into the ATM booth to give it one more go before I giving up. Sadly this time the screen display read, TEMPORARILY OUT OF SERVICE. 

So I walked out ready to leave with no look in the security guards direction only for him to say.

Security Guard: ‘’See it is not working because you said many words.’’

I was stunned as I turned around to glance at him before I walked away leaving him saying;

Security Guard: ‘’You try again tomorrow.’’

I was dumbfounded and also rather irritated at this point however, I decided I was not going to get into a full on exchange with this fellow for any reason and as I walked away he squirmed in his seat readying himself to get back to his nap while on shift with a firearm in hand. 

This led me to wonder how helpful his fire arm would be if I were being attacked in front or within the ATM booth. Many who saw me post this picture were unhappy but wouldn’t you be unhappier if I had done same with a casualty right next to him for his failure to stand guard during his shift? 

Ugandans we need to stop making excuses and pay attention to our job descriptions instead of giving ourselves new ones like this fellow who wanted to be the DFCU ATM booth entertainer. 

JAVA House staff who only want to serve you Mango juice

I finally got some room in my day last month to enjoy some restaurant hopping which is a hobby of sorts and this time I went to visit the Java house along the Lugogo bypass opposite Orynx Lugogo petrol station.  I arrived and after about 3 minutes a waitress came to me with a menu.

Waitress: ‘’Hello, have you received service?’’

Me: ‘’No.’’

Waitress: ‘’I recommend the mango juice.’’

Me: ‘’Ah... no. Well I am waiting for company but I will look at the menu and decide when they arrive.’’

After a long wait, since my meeting party was running late I decided to order anyway and as I kept shouting ‘’Excuse me!’’ as waiters passed by, I soon realised it was going to take a lot more to get service. It was not until a gentleman with a heavy Kenyan accent clad in chef’s garb walked in from the Kitchen into the main seating area that I received service. As he surveyed the seating area, he turned and glanced in my direction, our eyes locked and I began to raise my hand as he briskly made a beeline in my direction.

Chef: ‘’Have you been attended to?’’

Me: ‘’No sir.’’                                           

                                                           

Chef: ‘’Okay,’’ he said as he span around and headed for the closest waiter yelling. ‘’Madam is sitting there and has not been attended to, can’t you see her?’’

I grinned a little because this chef had quite the sense of humour but the waiters could tell he was dead serious.

Me: ‘’ Could I have a BTL sandwich and juice cocktail of mango, watermelon and pineapple. Could you make sure my juice is very cold. ’’

Waiter: ‘’Okay.’’

Me: ‘’Thank you, oh and could you please bring my food and juice at the same time?’’

Waiter: ‘’Yes, madam that’s fine.’’

10 minutes later, my juice arrived and it was warm tending towards hot and on tasting it 5 minutes later I realised that it was not what I ordered let alone the fact that it was not followed by my food. I had not been given fruit cocktail juice but Mango juice, so I wondered whether there had been a plot to serve me Mango juice by all the waiters no matter what I ordered. However not wanting to be fussy, I decided not to complain and typed away at my keys as I waited for my food. All I did was ask for some ice cubes to sort out the issue when my BTL sandwich and fruit arrived 10 minutes later.

Sadly I must say, my BTL sandwich had a rather flat note but then again I am big on flavour so that might be the issue and I also realised the accompanying fruit was charged separately which was surprising but I could handle. 2 gentlemen who I realised later on to be brothers walked in and sat next to me. I decided to pay attention to see what kind of service they would receive compared whether their experience would be any different from mine.  

Younger brother: ‘’Can I have chips, a pair of sausages and salad.’’

Waitress: ‘’No, but you can try this.’’

Younger brother: ‘’But does this come with salad.’’

Waitress: ‘’No, we will charge you separately for the salad.’’

Younger brother: ‘’Fine, I will order what you suggested, but first can I have fruit cocktail juice.’’

Older brother: ‘’What is that?’’

Younger brother: ‘’It is pineapple, mango watermelon juice mixed in one it is awesome.’’

Older brother: ‘’Okay, I need to try it.’’

So when the waitress came back with the glass of juice, the older brother grabbed the glass to have a sip so he could make up his mind on whether to order it as well and this was his response.

Older brother: ‘’This is mango,’’ he said as the anxiously waiting younger brother grabbed the glass to make sure.

Younger brother: ‘’Yeah this is mango, this is not what I ordered I want juice cocktail – watermelon, mango and pineapple.’’

Waitress: ‘’Ok let me confirm with the kitchen.’’

Within 5 minutes, she returned with another glass of juice and apologised as the first glass was indeed Mango juice but it was not cold.

Older brother: ‘’Could I have the same, but it is not cold. Can I have ice like hers as well? But is your ice okay today?’’

Waitress: ‘’What do you mean?’’

Older brother: ‘’2 days ago, I asked for ice with my drink and my stomach was upset all day and yet that is all I had eaten that afternoon.’’

Waitress: ‘’Sorry to hear that, what I can get you?’’

She had quickly brushed over the issue and continued like nothing had happened. Wow I thought to myself but could not stay any longer and had to leave so I asked for my bill. I paid, filled out the customer review form that came with my bill. As I waited for my change, I noticed the waiter remove and read the feedback form and after handing over the money to the cashier he took out the form and disappeared around the corner only to return without it. I cannot say what became of it but what I can say is I had rated the service as poor.

The maid who wanted to run my house

The older I grow the more I realise that my time is limited and yet there is so much that needs to get done at work, school and at home. On the home front, we have been brought up around the school of thought of having a nanny, maid or house help to lessen the load and help you be able to fully function without dropping the ball. 

Unfortunately with this added assistance also comes all the other evils that maids are known for bringing to the table.

After years of my sister and I being able to chip in and run our household, the time had finally come where we really needed the extra help around the house. Begrudgingly we got a maid who had worked in Kampala before for about a year and a half, but what I was more interested in was why she had left her previous employer. She told me that the lady of the house was verbally abusive and this did not make her stay there pleasant which is why she decided to leave.

So I hired her and within 2 weeks my sister and I noticed something did not add up. She would sleep all day, not cook dinner some evenings, undermine authority when given instructions and was very wasteful of food. One evening when I came back home a little earlier than usual after fighting through Kampala traffic, I found her chatting with the neighbours guard and even had to open the gate for myself.

7:30pm

Maid (Rose) ‘’Welcome back.’’

Me: ‘’Thank you, so what is for dinner?’’

Maid (Rose) ‘’…..’’ No response as she quickly spun around and began to hastily walk away.

Me: ‘’Where are you running off to, all I asked is what is for dinner?’’

Maid (Rose) ‘’Ah, I did not cook,’’ she said as she run off to the back of the house to start peeling the potatoes.’’

I was too tired to get into this conversation at the time and so I decided to take a shower and prepare for an extended reading session only for her to return after 20 minutes with a pot of peeled sweet potatoes.

7:50pm

Me: ‘’What is going on.’’

Maid (Rose) ‘’Aunt said she would come back home and steam the potatoes.’’

Me: ‘’Are you sure, that does not make sense because she is working late today. ‘’

Maid (Rose) ‘’Yes she said so. She even told me to put out the cooked sauce so she would warm it.’’

Me: ‘’ Alright!’’ I said in response although this did not make any sense but I decided to give her a benefit of the doubt. I prepared dinner that night as she sat and watched TV. A part of me wanted to tell her off because I knew exactly what she was doing but I wanted to this to be a teaching moment. Many of you must be wondering why I would do this for someone I pay to do this job but I believe in giving people a chance to prove themselves as opposed to believing in hearsay.

8:40pm dinner was ready and my sister was finally home right on the dot and she walked in she asked why I had not yet eaten.

Sister: ‘’Why haven’t you eaten when the food is clearly ready and still hot at that.’’

Me: ‘’Oh I just finished cooking so am cleaning up then I will serve.’’

As I responded, the maid had quickly jumped up and was serving her food before any of us without a care in the world.’’

Sister: ‘’Why are you cooking?’’

Me: ‘’Because I found peeled potatoes waiting for you to steam as well as sauce. Apparently you told her that you would be doing dinner. I got home hungry since I had not had lunch today so I decided to do dinner. ’’

Sister: ‘’What! Rose, did I say I would cook lunch?’’

Maid (Rose) ‘’Yes you said I peel and you would cook.’’

Sister: ‘’Did I not say I would warm for you any food that needed a steaming if you cooked it during the day?’’

Maid (Rose) ‘’Silence.’’

Me: ‘’Rose, respond when we are talking to you.’’

Maid (Rose) ‘’Aunt you came home and I asked you to help me steam the potatoes.’’

Me: ‘’No, that’s not what you told me?’’

Maid (Rose) ‘’No I asked you to help me and you did.’’

To cut a long story short, she was telling lies and did not expect my sister and I to compare notes about the incident. Prior to this, Rose had pitted me against my sister like this before only that I was not present at the time. Sad for her, she did not expect my sister and I to compare notes which was the case right now and had finally gotten her in trouble.

What happened to the lovely nannies we had while growing up who were part of the family and loved their jobs and we loved right back. Well, after a brief clarification on this issue, Rose came clean and was too embarrassed to serve dinner after that and went off to bed. Sadly, Rose was not ready to change and we let her go a couple of weeks later since we realised she was lacking in character. Moral of the story, treat people fairly but also when you are helping someone/ employing them, do not allow them to take you for a ride and abuse your kindness.

The dilemma of raising children in the digital age.

Most of us joke about the digital age and how much things have changed from the time when we were growing up but no one knows how real that fact is better than today’s parents raising teenagers. It does not get any truer than a mother going shopping with a 12 year old who is bumping into everyone in the shopping aisle because they are busy glued to the screen of their iPad or mobile phone. For all the mothers out there who are old school, yes - 12 year olds have iPads these days so this blog post is definitely for you.

My heart goes out to parents when I hear things like this,

Parent: ‘’I need to leave office early today to attend a school talk at my daughter’s school.’’

Friend: ‘’Why what is it about? ‘’

Parent: ‘’Green Hill is giving a talk on how to parent children in the digital age.’’

I could not help but spin around to take a better look at the lady to make sure she actually fit the bill of what a parent looked like because my ears must have been playing tricks on me.

I have the privilege of working with an online retailer and I must warn anyone venturing into this industry if you do not enjoy, breathe and live technology; this is not the line of profession that you should be getting into. 

That is a side bar, now to get back to the issue at hand.

I recently went to the customer support room to respond to a customer’s query regarding an order placement of waist trainers. She was not sure what size she should order, I have the benefit of growing up with sisters so this was a relatively easy task of handling an uneasy female customer but while I was there I was privy to an interesting conversation.

C.S Agent: ‘’Good afternoon Sir, this is a customer support agent calling from….’’

Regular Male Customer: ‘’Yes, please.’’

C.S Agent: ‘’I would like to confirm your order you place today morning on our site.’’

Regular Male Customer: ‘’Me, no I did not place an order.’’

C.S Agent: ‘’Are you sure, this is because your account and mobile number were used to place the order.’’

Regular Male Customer: ‘’No, you are definitely mistaken.’’

C.S Agent: ‘’Okay, however another delivery agent was on their way with your earlier order from Friday last week. Did you receive it at your office?’’

Regular Male Customer: ‘’The gentleman came but I sent him away with the order.’’

C.S Agent: ‘’Yes, that is why we decided to call you a second time before this order left our warehouse to you. The last time after failing to reach you for 2 days we got a text confirming we should deliver the following day.‘’

Regular Male Customer: ‘’ No, I did not send any such text.’’

C.S Agent: ‘’Well sorry for disturbing you, I hope you have a good day.’’

Regular Male Customer: ‘’ Alright thank you.’’

Puzzled, the customer support agent thoroughly checked and rechecked all the records as well as purchase history of this customer to make sure that she has not gone mad. After some time another colleague of hers asked whether she had confirmed a new order from the same customer's account or she could take it since she was already familiar with the customer. 

She decided to make the call herself later that evening after regular work at approximately 6.45pm, only for a little girl to answer.

C.S Agent: ‘’Hello, this is Lisa calling from ..., who am I speaking to? ’’ She asked as she sensed it was a child who answered the phone.

Child: ‘’I am Daisy, how come I have not received my orders.’’

C.S Agent: ‘’Which orders?’’

Child: ‘’The one I placed last week and 3 other today.’’

C.S Agent: ‘’So you confirm that you have placed 4 orders in total.’’

Child: ‘’Yes I have and you guys tell lies you have not even called me to deliver to my daddy my stuff.’’

C.S Agent: ‘’Kindly, confirm for me. Are you using your dad's account and mobile details to place these orders?’’

Child: ‘’Yes, so that you can deliver to him and he pays for my stuff.’’

C.S Agent: ‘’Now listen to me, you need to stop making calls and orders with your father's account. If you cannot afford to pay for these orders in the first place you should not be making them. Also stay in school and focus on your education, otherwise if I see a call from you I will inform your father. Okay.’’

Child: ‘’Okay!’’ she responded in a faint voice evidently shaken.

We all looked at Lisa, stunned at what a stern warning she had given the teen girl - so much so that to do date; she has never placed another order. Sadly, we had to tell her father as he was worried there might be some fraud with his account and boy was he surprised when we told him who was accessing his account without his knowledge. So folks I have only two issues of concern to raise,

1. Parents please raise your children

2. Parents please raise your children

…because no one will and it will only be you who suffers in the end.

Clergymen can also be the life of the party

Who knew a clergyman could be so cool, hip and hilarious all at once. This thought never crossed my mind when I confirmed my attendance at the inaugural interdenominational prayer banquet hosted by Pastor Chris Komagum at the Kampala Serena Hotel on 30^th December 2015. This event was set up to bring together Christians from all denominations, to come together in unison for prayer for the country. The theme of this inaugural event targeted family and I was a little worried that this would spell a dull and predictable event but I was in for a surprise. I expected the tone of this inaugural event that run under the theme of prayer to be deliberate and the speakers were both knowledgeable and relevant, however nothing prepared me for the last speaker of the night.

The priest who has been married for 25 years and is counting, was lively, entertaining and yet provided very insightful information on what has worked for him in his marriage springing off of the biblical premise. Many of you must be looking for an exit button to leave this post as you think it will follow the usual trend of Christian centric verbatim mixed with theology but this 1 hour session was nothing like I had expected. The nature of his talk was deliberation and of a motivational nature but it was backed by the authority that only one who has lived through and experienced life can speak with. 

‘’Don’t show up to work because you have a contract, it is God who pays your salary.’’

This one hit home and the audience clapped as it was such a fresh perspective from what we all perceive employment to be. It reminded all of us to be diligent in the position that we hold as we are accountable not only to our employer, our colleagues, our families who care for but also God who has entrusted with this responsibility.

Aside from the wonderful food and exquisite entertainment from the Canaan brothers, the most notable highlight for me was Father Sam Luboga and below are key quotes I leave you with to reflect on. If you are dating, engaged or married these quotes are still relevant to you and will open up a trail of thought that not many of you have considered before backed with a pinch of humour.

‘’Those of you watching soaps religiously like it is the gospel truth, are you one of them.’’

Here he alluded to mainly women who religiously watch TV and forget that their homes and partners need time. He was bothered by how attentive we are to things that do not add value and yet deprives us of a great deal of time on a regular basis.

‘’I have converted someone who was a complete stranger to someone who completely cares about me.’’

When you met your spouse you were total strangers, it was a journey and now you have married your friend. That is what was intended as in Father Sam Luboga’s case his wife married him when he was a graduate he was not but she believed in him.

‘’There was a time when I thought men were the only ones who were unfaithful until I became a marriage counsellor.’’

This particular statement received murmurs from the audience and when he realised this was a touchy subject he expounded more on it.

‘’Your marriage is special and unique stop comparing it to others.’’

This is not a copy paste session of what work for me works for you, no one should lie to you about that. I found this very interesting as he emphasized that mentorship is important but every couple has their own dynamic.

‘’Congratulations on your marriage, you are marrying a sinner.’’

Here he reminded us that even though we are excited at that moment when we make those vows you should know that the person opposite you is still a work in progress and you should understand the gravity of the decision you are making.

‘’We are extremely ignorant about how to make our marriages better.’’

By ignorance he meant that we study, seek knowledge and develop ourselves when it comes to our careers’, sport/physical fitness, but when it comes to saving our marriages we slack and do not put in the effort.

‘’As marriage counsellors people come to us hurting but not willing to change.’’

Headstrong people trying to make a point all the time even when their marriages are at stake, no additional explanation was needed as everyone got the point. So much so that the entire hall went quiet and you could almost hear a pin drop.

‘’The amount of sex in the first 3 years of marriage can fly a jet.’’

This one made the entire audience burst into laughter as he likened it to the stage of young love of newlyweds, it made me wonder what happens to the love after child 1 or 2. Does one party begin to take another for granted, or does raising the children take over their lives so much that they forget that it was only the 2 of them in the beginning.

‘’Why waste time picking quarrels and yet you can enjoy marriage life.’’

What is the point of picking quarrels, fighting with your spouse when you could be enjoying spending your life with them? He emphasized that many make this mistake only to realise this when their spouse is not in the picture, have divorced them or has passed on. There is nothing worse than regret when you did not do everything to honour your spouse.

‘’You see these powerful pompous men and yet they cannot even have children, they rely on a woman.’’

I know some people are going to be mad at me for this one but it is so true, for all the bragging that many men do, in the end it is a woman who gives him a child. The moral of the story was remain humble and respect the role each one of you plays as a couple.

‘’If you are away from your husband, mind the gap.’’

Watch and remain aware that your spouse is not around, do not put yourself in situations that would make you do questionable things.

‘’Marriage is accepting to be with someone, to stand by them to develop them until they reach where God intended them to be.’’

Yup, this was a really good one, seeing your partner for who they will be in the future and not the simple roommate they are today.

‘’Reflect on what God intended, not what you intended for your marriage.’’

Live your life being mindful that you are accountable not only to your spouse but someone bigger and just, one who does not take sides. Which means you have a levelled playing field and you need to approach it with that mind-set.

‘’Having children as you go is like MTN where you pay as you go.’’

God’s plan was not for you to have children on the go, this made all of us think a little deeper and it was eye opening. He was emphasising the need for honour of God’s word, honour for your relational partner and honour of her family.

‘’Children were meant to be delivered after marriage not before, having children as you go does not strengthen a union as is the general thinking.’’

The one that continues to settle with me is one that my sister always shares freely when she meets young people who intend to settle down and are in courtship.

‘’Marriage is not for children.’’

Stand warned ya’ll.

Executive banking or not!

A while ago I  went to pay my tuition fees for my professional course which I study at the Uganda Management Institute, I had a choice between making payment using a Centenary or Stanbic bank branch but opted for the latter. I wanted to do my payment quickly and efficiently in the least time possible and so I opted to use the new executive branch of the Stanbic bank at Acacia Mall.

However my intention to get in and out of the executive branch in 10 minutes tops did not pan out as I quickly realised that this branch only had 3 employees, 1 at customer care desk, the other dispensing money and the last one in the back office. So even though I got into the bank at 11: 55am I ended up leaving at 12:42pm for a very simple transaction that usually takes me a maximum of 15 minutes at a regular non executive  branch.

That aside what I found extremely interesting is how accommodative Ugandans are as can be seen during this conversation between 2 customers as they waited in queue. I entered the bank and filled out my bank slip and asked the customer care attendant where I should go and she directed me to a queue with only 2 gentleman waiting. I was relieved I would only need to wait for a short time before I got served but little did I know that would not be the case.

40 – 50 year Male Customer:  ‘How long do we have to wait to be attended to?’ he asked after sitting for about 30 minutes in the same position in the queue.

30 – 35 year Male Customer: ‘Hhhmm,’ he said rather silently while coughing to disguise his chuckle.

A couple of customers entered the bank over a 15 minute period  which brought the number in the queue to 12 myself inclusive, when a lady with a newborn in a stroller walked in and spoke to the customer care agent. Sadly she was also informed she would have to join the same queue, with no complaint she joined us and stood at the back. After about 10 minutes a senior gentleman who was in front of her stood up to let her take his seat as the conversation continued.

40 – 50 year Male Customer: So we are still here after 30 minutes of the guards and customer care criss-crossing the lobby passing us each time. What is the fuss if it does not amount to service?’

As the last word escaped his lips he was finally summoned by the security guard to go to the counter to get served, but as he picked up his newspaper and steadied himself to rise up, the bullion van arrived and 2 more security guards burst through the door making a beeline for the same counter. So the gentleman was sent back to his seat and by this time he was furious.

40 – 50 year Male Customer: ‘So now at the worst time possible, they decide to offload money from the bullion van. Who schedules such operations at a high customer traffic time of noon on a Saturday? ’

30 – 35 year Male Customer: ‘hihihi sure,’ is all he said with a smile on his face as he moved back to his original seat to let the gentleman take his previous one.

Now I am not an expert to know how long these funds transfers should take but it took nearly half an hour while we sat there and the waiting area queue snaked all the way to the door since there were no vacant ‘executive’ seats at this time.

40 – 50 year Male Customer: ‘So are we supposed to spend our whole day doing our banking? This is unbelievable and we need to report this. You know as Ugandans we never complain, we grumble as we suffer but we never officially complain.’

As he said this he moved to a counter next to the entrance and he picked up customer feedback forms which he distributed to 9 of us sitting right behind him.

30 – 35 year Male Customer: ‘Yes thank you,’ he said as he received his feedback form but to my surprised after reading through the specifics, none of the individuals who received them filled them out. Now that is what nudged me to take the time to fill it out.

40 – 50 year Male Customer: ‘See we wait in line for an unacceptable amount of time but no one fills out the feedback card to complain when they receive poor service. All we do is go and complain in the bar, what will that help you as if the bar man is the branch manager. ’

30 – 35 year Male Customer: ‘sure, sure.’

40 – 50 year Male Customer: ‘I know it is not in our culture to complain but time has changed and if I am paying for executive banking service I expect to get it after all my time is very valuable to me.’

30 – 35 year Male Customer: ‘Yes indeed.’

Now this last fellow baffled me because he kept agreeing with the older gentleman but never ever filled out the feedback form.  I eventually got called to the counter and was swiftly attended to but by this time I was too tired to pay attention to details, so much that I walked out from the booth only to realise that I was supposed to receive change from my transaction. I walked back to the counter and returned my receipt to the Stanbic teller who had just served me and she apologised and after going over the transaction she gave me my change.

I was happy I had received it but this made me wonder, is this a common occurrence for this executive branch of the Stanbic branch? I am usually the customer who will wait patiently without jumping queue even when there is no order with no complaint, however with the way this branch was running I could help but finish filling out my form and submitted it to the suggestion box. I intentionally filled in my phone number which was listed as optional and expected to receive feedback from this executive branch of the Stanbic bank.

3 months later I am still waiting for a follow up call or something but I left wondering, executive banking - who is fooling who.